Moment in time jubilee

Walt:

We are learning TO USE OUR SENSES to describe what we think

is happening in the photo.

We are learning to use WOW! words like adjectives and verbs to

add impact for our audience (people who read our writing).

Performances that came in from nowhere.

Draft 1

I heard the crackling of the ridi as I shuffled around in a circle like a dog chasing its tail.

I saw the bright and sunny looking lights that made me think I was blind or I was in heaven talking to Simon about my life.

I felt if the money was falling all in my hands as I was dancing with excitement instead of it going in the kava bowl.

I wondered if parent filled audience would show more respect and reverence and stay calm as we horned Mr. Huni Fifita as we stay quiet for 1 minute.

Draft 2

I heard the cheers of roaring lions in the crowd as they clapped and danced all over the place.

I saw the shocking performances from the front of my eyes as I laughed for about a good 5 minutes before the performance stopped.

I felt the sticky and plasticky ridi staying on my feet as I tossed and turn the flowers on my wrist.

I wondered I if there was a time where you go to the real cultural group.

draft 3

I heard shouts of joyfulness and happiness from the big crowd.

I saw smiling faces from the little kids and cheerful people.

I felt scared when it was my groups turn to go up.

I wondered if the 70th and 80th Jubilee will be celebrated the same as this one.